tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81074489310481272352024-02-19T05:20:50.821-08:00Cultivating NancyThe definition of cultivate is to foster the growth of; to improve by labor, care, or study; refine (cultivate the mind).
All of which I am desperately trying to do while living the busy life of a wife and mother.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.comBlogger87125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-3935181728246665982011-11-11T09:33:00.000-08:002011-11-11T09:33:17.166-08:00why can't I turn off the TV?"Just turn off the freaking TV!" is what the little voice in my head keeps saying. For some reason my thumb won't listen and I'm finding myself channel surfing to the point of exhaustion. The only thing that I'm cultivating this way is my knowledge of the Kardashian clan. Daytime TV lacks a number of things, most of all it lacks anything of value, so why is it hard to follow my internal advice? After a little soul searching I've managed to come up with a few ideas but nothing concrete. Realistically, the reason doesn't matter, I just need to turn off the freaking TV!Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-15879194462705420682011-11-07T17:23:00.000-08:002011-11-07T17:23:08.359-08:00what to do, what to do?I'm officially 1 week from my scheduled c-section and while I'm looking forward to not being pregnant anymore I'm beginning to experience an entirely new set of emotions. Within the past week I've gone from optimistic and motivated to cranky and stressed. The latter is not welcome. So now I'm asking, what to do? <br />
<br />
My doctor says that it's completely normal for someone who has had a prior traumatic birth experience to experience what equates to post traumatic stress disorder. Unfortunately it's not a phrase that's new to me. A few years ago I had become completely depressed and PTSD was thrown out...and then medications followed. Everything eventually fell back into line and I recovered, or at least I thought I had. Now my doctor tells me I have a deer in headlights look. I keep worrying about leaving Fabrizio motherless. I can't help it. No amount of positive thought is getting that awful scenario out of my head. <br />
<br />
Thankfully, I have a great husband who has been bearing the brunt of the childcare, housework and me. But the question remains, what to do?<br />
<br />
I've thought a lot about pre-writing articles for my column, which is a great idea but the ideas aren't coming. I've thought about upping my positive self thought but I feel like my brain is in opposition to the idea. I've thought about taking it easy and lying on the couch but to be honest, there's not much on TV and I'm bored out of my mind. I've thought about baking but then again Fabrizio has a restricted diet and I should be considering a diet. The thought has crossed my mind to edit my book and write a few chapters but I'm not sure my brain has the ability to focus. I've thought about a lot but I'm not doing a lot.<br />
<br />
The problem with everything I've listed isn't necessarily the ideas but the BUTS. How on earth could anything be accomplished with so many BUTS? It couldn't, plain and simple. I need to let go of the BUTS and get on with it. So today, from this moment on, I will do. Even if it's just one thing a day, I will do. No BUTS about it.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-8944071783326648772011-10-31T09:37:00.000-07:002011-10-31T09:37:59.177-07:00its crunch timeI am officially 2 weeks away from my scheduled c-section. This in and of itself is freaking me out but anyway this post is less about my rising anxiety and more about how I'm preparing (or not preparing) for the upcoming event.<br />
<br />
Yesterday my mother-in-law asked me if I'd packed my bag yet. Seriously, hadn't given it a thought. While I was still fumbling over the correct words to come spilling out of my mouth she offered to come down the night before so that she could take care of my son on that day. She needed to slow down because my brain isn't working fast enough to deflect her advances with the Wonder Woman speed I've become accustomed to. The questions kept coming and I sadly kept fumbling. When she had finally finished and my answers had clearly left her astonished her reply was "well, you really need to be thinking about these things" What the...? I love my mother-in-law, she's a really nice lady but sometimes she can push just a little more than I'm comfortable with.<br />
<br />
But it did get me thinking, what have I been thinking about? Well, I've been thinking about spending time with my friends before I become a recluse for the next 2 months, taking some naps, planning out what we're going to eat in the future and tonight for dinner, getting MY mom to come and help out, and working out a schedule that I think will work for both my husband and I. <br />
<br />
I've also spent an inappropriate amount of time thinking about fall fashion. I'm thinking it's mainly because I've been stuffed into the same yoga pants for months now and well, let's be honest, I'll be stuffed into them for the next few months after the baby comes.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-86409054771870138482011-10-21T10:30:00.000-07:002011-10-21T10:30:20.956-07:00self improvement in the name of progressIt's a gloomy Friday morning and I'm trying my hardest to motivate myself to do something that might actually result in progress. <br />
<br />
Does it count that I took a shower this morning? How about that I made my son pancakes at 7am? Or that I'm actually on the computer attempting something that looks like writing? Yes, yes and yes...or at least that's what I'm going to tell myself.<br />
<br />
On a side note, that is somewhat tied in, I've decided to put effort into my appearance. I've never been particularly skilled in this area. Honestly, I've never really been good at anything that requires self maintenance.<br />
<br />
It all started when I was no longer able to touch my feet to trim my toenails. (I know it's terrible, and there are so many things about being in the final stages of pregnancy that are unpleasant but that is a completely different rant.) So off I went to the nail salon completely annoyed at the beginning to be spending money on something that I used to do myself but by the end I was totally in love. My toes were pretty and I was relaxed. I felt great! <br />
<br />
It all seemed to snowball after that because then I began to think about my hair, which had been fried by a bad stylist nearly a year earlier and so I got it done. Bam! I felt good. My hair was no longer a frizzy bleached out puff that couldn't be combed but a soft natural color that actually lays flat. Now my focus is makeup because after all, I'm 37. Things like brown spots, fine lines and a blotchy complexion are creeping up and at times I'm not even sure I really have eyes because they blend in with the rest of my face. <br />
<br />
Currently I have 1 eyeliner, 2 shades of eye makeup (does it have a name? I have no clue), 1 mascara and chap stick all of which is about 2 years old. Sad, isn't it? Regardless of my limited resources I have been practicing wearing makeup. Yes, practicing because my skill level is probably not even as good as a 12 year old girl but I have to say that I kind of like the effect. <br />
<br />
While I'm relatively late to this game and I'll never be one of those real girlie girls it's still nice to feel good. I've even got a post baby list going that includes getting some teeth whitening strips, hitting the gym and maybe even investing in some heels.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-28636881867479215642011-10-19T11:00:00.000-07:002011-10-19T11:00:28.254-07:00Getting back on courseSometimes life takes us off course. So far off that if we were tracking ourselves on GPS we'd have that constant annoying reminder that we'd made a wrong turn somewhere. Haven't we all experienced that at some point? Even to the extent that you're certain that you know better than the GPS only to find yourself miles out of the way recalculating your destination? I've done this more than I'd like to admit and now I'm seeing it as a metaphor for my current location, completely off course. <br />
<br />
What is the most effective way to get back on course? I'm not sure that I have the prefect answer but for me it's been a accumulation of techniques. Below is a list of things that works for me. Use it all or just a piece, whatever resonates with you. <br />
<br />
<strong>Create a vision board.</strong> So this might sound a little hokey but I spend some time going through magazines cutting out pictures, phrases and words that resonate with the life I am looking to create. It's a great <br />
way to get you thinking about what it is that you truly want, or even just want to keep. Then I paste them to construction paper and display it somewhere that I will be forced to see everyday. <br />
<br />
<strong>Express gratitude.</strong> Daily I express gratitude for the wonderful things that I have in my life and I also express gratitude for the things that I'm working on achieving. Everything is expressed as though it has already come to fruition.<br />
<br />
<strong>Positive thought.</strong> At times easier said than done but for each negative thought about a goal that I have, I add on the positive equivalent. There are some days when my brain doesn't allow for this positive spin and that's OK but it's important not to let yourself be consumed by the negative. Remember that positive thoughts create positive energy which leads to positive results. The same goes for the negative, that's way it's so important not to allow your mind to sit in the negative.<br />
<br />
<strong>Evaluate where you are currently.</strong> Where are you emotionally, intellectually, creatively and physically? By looking at your entire person you have a better sense of what you can handle. For example, eight months ago when I was powering through my goals, traveling, writing and getting my life back to where I wanted it to be I was completely derailed. Now, at 9 months pregnant, I am finally feeling up to getting back on track but I need to be realistic about what the next 6 months to 1 year will look like for me. By setting goals that give me a little more leeway I'm able to continue making progress while staying on course. In 6 months I can reevaluate where I am and if I'm able to push myself a little more.<br />
<br />
<strong>Walk.</strong> Walking is a great way to clear the cobwebs. Everyday I take a walk around my neighborhood, it's not a huge commitment but it helps me to feel better and when I feel better it's easier to stay positive.<br />
<br />
I hope something I've listed helps get you back on your personal course or at the least reinforces the steps you're already taking.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-5086094443435972022011-10-11T12:04:00.000-07:002011-10-11T12:04:01.853-07:00Front yard realizations...Recently I held an estate sale for my grandmothers belongings, which in and of itself was a troubling thing to be doing. I had a memory attached to nearly everything that was out and yet I was selling it to the highest bidder. If she weren't dead already, this would have killed her. At one point, she lived life to the fullest and then over time, and with age, she began putting more value on the "stuff" she acquired than the relationships she had.<br />
<br />
It wasn't until I was sitting on the porch surveying the items we had strategically placed in the yard when the gravity of it all began to settle in. It was a lesson in life. A lesson to not get caught up with material possessions that in the end are so meaningless. <br />
<br />
We all know this but sometimes it's good to have a reminder, sometimes it needs to be as obvious as this was for me. What's important in life? Your family, your contribution, your experiences and your attitude because in the end it's all meaningless junk that ends up being sold.<br />
<br />
I'm grateful to have learned this lesson even if I need the occasional reminder to get me back to center.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-91175395875096880652011-09-28T20:02:00.000-07:002011-09-28T20:04:02.013-07:00Back to my life put on holdAt times life takes you away from your goals and puts you on a different course all together. That's exactly my life has done for the last five months. The most frustrating part was that I wasn't even consulted! As everything was starting to gain momentum in my life the universe decided it had other plans which brought everything I had been cultivating to a grinding halt. First I became unexpectedly pregnant, which for us is stressful considering my history. Then our family suffered two deaths -my father-in-law and grandmother, both were very close to us. Now three months past the last death and 8 months into my pregnancy I'm ready to get back to where I left off. <br />
<br />
By the end of July I was in a definite funk and knew that something had to be done. All I wanted to do was escape life. But how? I couldn't just take a vacation in the midst of everything or could I? The least I could do was give myself a mental vacation and so on August 1st I mentally boarded a flight to France to begin a month long mental vacation. I don't know exactly what I was expecting as I loaded up on french movies, memoirs about moving to France, language Cd's and, my favorite part, food but it didn't take more than a few days before I felt lighter. By the end of the month I was feeling more myself again and now that we're nearing the end of September I finally feel as though I can resume the life I had but on pause. <br />
<br />
I did learn a couple of things about myself during that mental vacation. The first being that it really is possible to trick your brain. The second, is that I suck at languages and that I might need to take learning a language off my list of 40, or at least revise it to be more attainable like learn key phrases. Third, aside from pastries, crepes and cheese I don't really like much french food but I REALLY like pastries, crepes and cheese. <span style="background-color: white;">Finally</span>, I'm not as big of a francophile as I'd like to be. That last part was a little sad for me but I'd be willing to give it try after try.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-54841283685951619632011-05-16T12:04:00.000-07:002011-05-16T12:04:58.764-07:00Moldy conclusionsLast night as I stood at the bathroom sink brushing my teeth it was hard to miss my retainer case directly at eye level. Yes, I'm huge dork that still needs a retainer but I've been avoiding it for about as long as I've been avoiding the computer, and everything else for that matter. Everyday I see that case and promptly close the medicine cabinet. Tonight will be different, I thought. I took a deep sigh, finished up the job at hand and then grabbed those damn retainers. It took a while to wedge them into place which is why it took me longer than I'd like to notice that the entire bottom of the case had sprouted mold. Black mold, beige mold, mold growing upon mold. Yeah, it was gross. I'm pretty sure that I've never spit something out of my mouth so fast and I am certain that I've never used as much mouth wash.<br />
<br />
It was never my intention to let them sit for so long. It's lead me to wonder, how does a few days off turn into 2 months? Time is a tricky thing but I guess that is something to beware of. It's easy to let life take control and whirl you around. Before you know it much time has passed and although you've had a good time (hopefully) you might not have accomplished much (I'm speaking of myself). There may just in fact be mold growing somewhere it shouldn't.<br />
<br />
In these past two months I can honestly say that I've done...well, not much. I'd hate to see what's become of the kitchen, which has been painfully ignored. It's been wonderful living life in the moment and although I'm not ready to live any other way I do think some planning might be in order. <br />
<br />
We are on the verge of summer, a season of activity and I'm bursting with want and desire. My first desire is to have warm weather. The kind of warm where the air wraps you in a soft warm blanket. Ok, a little out of my control but aside from warm air I have a list that is not being checked off so I need to think a little. What to do? What to do?Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-9584178393795764362011-04-20T09:57:00.000-07:002011-04-20T09:57:43.686-07:00Pao Fa Temple...exploring and relaxing in a Buddhist wayAhh the tranquility of a religious space is so soothing to the soul that it's sometimes difficult remembering why you didn't go sooner or why you don't spend as much time in a place that brings you peace as you probably ought to. <br />
<br />
That's how I felt last Friday when my friend Jennifer and I took our boys (and my mom) on an outing to a local Chinese Buddhist temple. From the outside the building itself reveals nothing of the beauty it holds. My mom thought it was a storage facility and Jennifer revealed that most people think it's a restaurant. Me, I'd drive by and glance in it's direction before refocusing on the task at hand. Like the Buddhist themselves, so unassuming and humble with beauty and tranquility emitting from their peaceful presence and the glow of life that shines bright through their eyes, the temple was a true gem. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC0Kih2_5xqRfH3m5TEIgEX-FRrasp8VxY8jD0fIzlZS1UfznH_aFcMSM_aWwXPyt5AWW-gzXHAx2qkokhq5e6sJ9uTwM2Dovxp05xqGQZut4ihY07vh4xx_d4zy5luZ5YrcUGGSOWdxQ/s1600/IMG_3788%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" i8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC0Kih2_5xqRfH3m5TEIgEX-FRrasp8VxY8jD0fIzlZS1UfznH_aFcMSM_aWwXPyt5AWW-gzXHAx2qkokhq5e6sJ9uTwM2Dovxp05xqGQZut4ihY07vh4xx_d4zy5luZ5YrcUGGSOWdxQ/s320/IMG_3788%255B1%255D.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq7kcwWAkkIFbUMHBHDwa_u4YcIThhX3vkXbmmYe4kcjYmqAUUh4C4CSP4BHH2EdSuIs1ct3GyKZ9ndj_DFNZpOvYY9O6oghMs1qaJabCpQIYnzl5PwlJDp3xZ6mrNZt2k0cfSorw8ykE/s1600/IMG_3790%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" i8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq7kcwWAkkIFbUMHBHDwa_u4YcIThhX3vkXbmmYe4kcjYmqAUUh4C4CSP4BHH2EdSuIs1ct3GyKZ9ndj_DFNZpOvYY9O6oghMs1qaJabCpQIYnzl5PwlJDp3xZ6mrNZt2k0cfSorw8ykE/s320/IMG_3790%255B1%255D.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGMmy5o4IG8yArwxA8lpnC69cWLSnvCp4NqZz_8gzC2xCSrVHUYXAyHubSlO-1UictUEmE2TtWjPLB2gsoYcAf1wkc0D4jKGAoQEvkM7kXhMg_luQP-2oOVtOZ2xts0DFMh789WxZ1IPk/s1600/IMG_3792%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" i8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGMmy5o4IG8yArwxA8lpnC69cWLSnvCp4NqZz_8gzC2xCSrVHUYXAyHubSlO-1UictUEmE2TtWjPLB2gsoYcAf1wkc0D4jKGAoQEvkM7kXhMg_luQP-2oOVtOZ2xts0DFMh789WxZ1IPk/s320/IMG_3792%255B1%255D.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtau2RDlWJ1fodbx40vH6sYqRpzvXrT49dlaTIvn260vOew-miTEVT5Tsu6oR0Fq1AHglApapHtcsr-FeeftoQoSVjuIj7jzgYDn6XbForvCCjISq3OPyVrv0PxoLGuPDJcH7GX6TQzc8/s1600/IMG_3795%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" i8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtau2RDlWJ1fodbx40vH6sYqRpzvXrT49dlaTIvn260vOew-miTEVT5Tsu6oR0Fq1AHglApapHtcsr-FeeftoQoSVjuIj7jzgYDn6XbForvCCjISq3OPyVrv0PxoLGuPDJcH7GX6TQzc8/s320/IMG_3795%255B1%255D.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
Next stop will be Hsi Lai Temple in Hacienda Heights. I'm hoping for gardens and a place to release a prayer.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-25952574360344019012011-04-12T18:31:00.000-07:002011-04-12T18:38:03.352-07:00i'm getting bratty about a vacation...or lack, thereofOK, so this is incredibly childish but I want to be on vacation! <br />
<br />
One thing is for certain, my family is in the midst of a tornado of change. I believe that most of this change is for the best and I'm truly excited about what I imagine coming to our future but life wouldn't be balanced if we didn't get our fair share of stress. Both individually and collectively we are faithfully following whatever direction and obstacle is being thrown at us.<br />
<br />
But with so much uncertainty I am craving a vacation with a flurry of emotions. I want to scream..but<em> I</em> deserve a vacation!!! I have been dreaming of a beautiful beach with a warm breeze that wraps around my body as I nap on a recliner. I'm slightly embarrassed to say it's becoming an obsession which my I am physically beginning to crave. Is it possible to develop an addiction to a fantasy? I'm beginning to believe it is.<br />
<br />
Ahh a vacation away from everything is so tempting but the reality is that I know that I'll be waiting awhile for it...sigh. Maybe if the weather ever warms I can hose off Fabrizio's blow-up kiddie pool, get in, close my eyes and pretend.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-11190735392921006522011-04-05T10:51:00.000-07:002011-04-05T10:51:14.811-07:00Alright already!With my second year in motion I am finding myself in a strange place. Normally I would be biting my nails trying to figure out what to take on next, instead I could care less. I"m in the space of being completely content. Weird. Rarely am I content. I guess that it's one of those times that I should really just enjoy the emotion especially since it's a nice one. Who wants to hurry along content? Not me. <br />
<br />
There are some things that I've been contemplating lately and wouldn't mind giving some additional thought to them. Mainly I've been thinking about God. I'm not a fiercely religious person but liken myself to being more spiritually curious. I was raised catholic and while that is as ingrained in my DNA as my eye color Fabrizio attends a Jewish school, on occasion we attend the Presbyterian church near our home and just for good measure I babble in Buddhism. <br />
<br />
So as of late I've been thinking about God and the possibility that Jesus isn't his one true son. I'm liking the idea that perhaps he was a prophet send to a region to help guide them, like the other people around the globe who are idealized for their level of consciousness. <br />
<br />
What about heaven? Do we really end up there or is that just a story that makes us feel good? <br />
<br />
What about the idea of spirit guides or angels? I like this idea that each soul has things to accomplish and that there is this other worldly presence that helps guide us to the next level. <br />
<br />
If there is truly a God then how come he seems rather mean? What about Buddha? He was a nice guy. Why don't we all follow his teachings? After all, the God of the old testament sure killed people easily. That in itself doesn't seem very nice. If you're this all powerful guy can't you make people nice?<br />
<br />
Too many questions but I welcome some discussion on the issue.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-35659639965528038352011-03-31T10:27:00.000-07:002011-03-31T10:27:44.557-07:00thoughts on a new yearAnother year began yesterday and while I have spent probably more time than suggested reviewing the past year, I feel it only appropriate to take a few days off. Some much needed time to renew my mind, body and soul before jumping forward.<br />
<br />
Every once in awhile I believe it's good to stop altogether. Quiet your mind and sit in your thoughts, reflect on the past and really get a sense of what you want to for the future.<br />
<br />
It's in those moments that you have the ability to see clearly what you truly desire.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-75208480268783535232011-03-29T10:37:00.000-07:002011-03-29T10:37:00.944-07:00One year down, three to goOne year down and three to go. With that written I feel it only appropriate to have a look back at a year that has been both progressive and challenging. Of the 40 things on my list to do, this is what I have managed to achieve:<br />
<br />
<strong>knit a scarf </strong>- thank you Jennifer for teaching me. I have so much to learn!<br />
<strong>learn to make croissants</strong> - interesting and brutally time consuming. I will probably not be making them again<br />
<strong>rock wall climb </strong>- so much fun. Thanks to Julie for getting 100 ft in the air.<br />
<strong>go to confession</strong> - something every Catholic should do at least once every 20 years<br />
<strong>do hot yoga for 20 consecutive days</strong> - adhering to the practice was great for my body and mind<br />
<strong>learn to meditate properly </strong>- again thanks to Jennifer for taking me to the Zen Center<strong> </strong>and sharing with me something so close to her heart<br />
<strong>fly alone</strong> - the one thing I'm most proud of<br />
<strong>snowboard -</strong> incredibly hard<br />
<strong>skinny dip</strong> -enough said<br />
<strong>write something for publication</strong> - done. catch me every 2nd and 4th Tuesday at stunewslaguna.com<br />
<strong>throw a party</strong> - overwhelming and fun<br />
<strong>attend a comedy show</strong> - a laugh a minute<br />
<strong>fly a kite</strong> - umm, sadly overrated but on the plus side my husband is now a kite lover <br />
<strong>attend a concert -</strong> never liked big crowds or live music and this was an attempt to get over that...fairly successful yet I still don't see what all the fuss is about<br />
<strong>find a career path</strong> - done. sealed. and delivering.<br />
<strong>volunteer</strong> - now a board member of a group dedicated to Human Trafficking issues.<br />
<strong>read the bible</strong> - in an attempt to know what people keep referencing I thought it would be a good move. sorry to say that I've stalled in Deuteronomy<br />
<strong>eat at benihana </strong>- a silly childhood dream realized.<br />
<br />
It looks like a lot and while most of the items are small they helped me to break out of that unhappy spot that I was in a year ago. Over the past few days I've been trying to think what, if anything, all of this has done for me. In a lot of ways I don't feel any different. At times I've been feeling like nothing has changed but when I look carefully and am honest with myself things have shifted and my life is on a new path. As subtle as change can be at times we must remember that there are no constants in life. Everything is always changing and I know that through my own design I have been able to create that change and move my life in the direction I truly want.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-53048919766485329192011-03-22T10:31:00.000-07:002011-03-22T10:31:14.892-07:00small steps to living the life you want:1. <strong>Think about what you truly want.</strong> I know it sounds easy but when you really truly analyze what you want vs what you think you should want you can find some surprising answers. <br />
2. <strong>Write a list and refer to it often.</strong> By looking at the things you want to do you're getting your juices flowing.<br />
3. <strong>Pick one and get started.</strong> Don't overwhelm yourself. Break it down into easy little steps and get started.<br />
4. <strong>Never think that you've failed.</strong> Whether you just gave some thought or took a step forward and two back it's all progress. Allowing yourself to have space to create the life you want mentally is an opening.<br />
5. <strong>Nothing is set in stone.</strong> Always give yourself to make changes along the way. Tweak the list, change it all together, it's your life after all.<br />
<br />
Getting started can often be the biggest challenge. Most of us don't really know what we want or aren't honest enough with ourselves to admit that we aren't living the life we exactly wanted. There is nothing that says you can't create the best life possible for yourself. Hopefully, this won't sound to spacey but the universe wants you to have the life you want and don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-59308216144119826762011-03-17T10:37:00.000-07:002011-03-17T10:37:33.444-07:00there really might be sun behind the cloudsFinally, the sunshine is beginning to break through the clouds. I was beginning to think that my bad mood was a permanent shift in my being. Honestly, when you start yelling at homeless people asking for money it's pretty obvious that you are not only a massive bitch but in a very very bad place. It's embarrassing to realize how nasty you can be. I'm going to blame it all on March. It's always been a miserable month for me. Everyone who knows me knows that if it's March chances are that I will think that the sky is falling and for me it is. It's a time when I just want to withdraw into my mood, do way too much thinking and figure my life out. It's a work in progress but at least there is progress. At times life may not feel like it's moving in the direction you want or even at all but if you can just sit in that feeling you might just notice that it's a great opportunity to make those little adjustments that you are in need of.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-71057007852179383292011-03-14T12:34:00.000-07:002011-03-14T12:34:06.039-07:00observations of a bad moodSo last week sucked for no other reason than my mood decided to shift. According to my Buddhist friend we are to feel each emotion completely, not fight against it and allow ourselves to just be in that moment. I have to admit that although it was a struggle, especially when my mood was telling me to cuss out the car that just cut me off, I did it. I felt like total and complete shit (for lack of a better word). I was angry at the world and I was sitting in it. Up to my eyeballs in defeat, rage, sadness and any other word you can think of to describe someone who feels as though they've made to many sacrifices and are no longer with options to change what they created. <br />
<br />
Not a pleasant thought, I know, but sometimes life isn't pleasant and it's not real to pretend otherwise.<br />
<br />
In attending to those feelings with acceptance I was able to see things more clearly. It was almost as if I was an observer of myself. OK, so I wasn't perfect in the process but then again I'm thinking that the Buddhist thought would be that whatever I was is what I was meant to be. At some point I saw what was lying beneath those feelings-why it occurred, where I became bitter, why I'm angry. What happened next was unexpected, I found a sense of peace. I don't really want to associate with giving up but something all together better. I am no longer struggling with myself or an ideal that I'm trying to attain. What is simply is.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-39427829969695595282011-03-09T11:19:00.000-08:002011-03-09T11:19:13.186-08:00it's a beautiful day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_kzbGrQCSEohfgXNSmrAiOw-leYsOD2xE4QvXepj5296Dz8-1vjJvlBLfPdnSGzbhiY77DayntQ4dY-8sFrT3AwTDEhncRksM3o9oaZPIYspSvTYR9fBxyurHdfLxcRKIfZWhAOwqJFM/s1600/IMG_3712%255B1%255D.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_kzbGrQCSEohfgXNSmrAiOw-leYsOD2xE4QvXepj5296Dz8-1vjJvlBLfPdnSGzbhiY77DayntQ4dY-8sFrT3AwTDEhncRksM3o9oaZPIYspSvTYR9fBxyurHdfLxcRKIfZWhAOwqJFM/s320/IMG_3712%255B1%255D.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGdqcjIAeKqaPXbQ_yVIgou7nfW4-CshgPckBmaAcEaz-ILtt7XasaYgjqNU1TDQX135Zkup2kro1uar4AgxVm0luwCvA_caUeBzlCELWySKPg8T889D-zxlfgKep6AjHmrkkJj5snXrg/s1600/IMG_3718%255B1%255D.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGdqcjIAeKqaPXbQ_yVIgou7nfW4-CshgPckBmaAcEaz-ILtt7XasaYgjqNU1TDQX135Zkup2kro1uar4AgxVm0luwCvA_caUeBzlCELWySKPg8T889D-zxlfgKep6AjHmrkkJj5snXrg/s320/IMG_3718%255B1%255D.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9KVxj2xkPagWn2T7ZuY0g1n1h1_lPdZdpA0rvDWYECOsS92luO8S845UcIhHbBeQlv1_C6Jl_1GLb1QK69ZfXhClDYlM1KbWVAmsu4jOw7GSjIFMjohCyPdtJHm1_Aw6b7fHMJ3lTFCw/s1600/IMG_3713%255B1%255D.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9KVxj2xkPagWn2T7ZuY0g1n1h1_lPdZdpA0rvDWYECOsS92luO8S845UcIhHbBeQlv1_C6Jl_1GLb1QK69ZfXhClDYlM1KbWVAmsu4jOw7GSjIFMjohCyPdtJHm1_Aw6b7fHMJ3lTFCw/s320/IMG_3713%255B1%255D.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3bszvNC0FlHdxBmRRDSWpRb5wVE9EXt0wxWNCFp5bqD0PW337CDYYBAoIs-zaRx8jDiwrf5jasKdFA-F1GRdjwCc6DgJ1SpoBptCUD55d0WZpKt4OQnjfNEskAtYH9bi43tjs7Govbpo/s1600/IMG_3714%255B1%255D.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3bszvNC0FlHdxBmRRDSWpRb5wVE9EXt0wxWNCFp5bqD0PW337CDYYBAoIs-zaRx8jDiwrf5jasKdFA-F1GRdjwCc6DgJ1SpoBptCUD55d0WZpKt4OQnjfNEskAtYH9bi43tjs7Govbpo/s320/IMG_3714%255B1%255D.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-39651483156004520952011-03-08T11:20:00.000-08:002011-03-08T11:20:58.626-08:00random thoughts on the end of friendshipIt's a curious thing when friendships run their course. Perhaps just as curious is the phrase "run their course". It's not as though relationships have a use by date but lately it feels as though many of my relationships have been falling by the wayside. Their expiration date passes and we're suddenly pushed off into different directions only able to glance back quickly wonder why and how it all happened. Of course I reassure myself that it's all for the best- two people, two directions. Mine conveniently perceived as up. Theirs conveniently troubled and pathetic. So happy we are then to be free of the others weight. <br />
<br />
As time quickly passes and more friendships reach their expiration date I have to wonder if it isn't a matter of up or down at all but two souls going on their way to live their life intended.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-77588265130242294612011-03-04T11:11:00.000-08:002011-03-04T11:11:58.379-08:00traveling can do funny things<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4T_O8LX7TNm1WZkMVZLrM9pPhtdZgcAfwoavbznCFG_22vRMIVxSXfO6aIEt-3_yiazzSWc1mh0FWiWQ1_jtl6PMlMMr671KS-jDfPvpvql-XTTaK_kATw_gRNYHBS623fFJMoR5kE6Q/s1600/travel+020.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" l6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4T_O8LX7TNm1WZkMVZLrM9pPhtdZgcAfwoavbznCFG_22vRMIVxSXfO6aIEt-3_yiazzSWc1mh0FWiWQ1_jtl6PMlMMr671KS-jDfPvpvql-XTTaK_kATw_gRNYHBS623fFJMoR5kE6Q/s320/travel+020.jpg" width="320" /></a>It's been a long time since I've been on a plane by myself. It would be vaguely heroic to say that it's because I've been busy being a dedicated wife and mother but that is simply not true. I've just been a total chicken about it really. In the past I've even gone as far as to purchase airline tickets only to back out a couple days before the flight. While I'm certain that didn't go over well with my traveling companion I rationalized that it would be her burning corpse that would plummet to the earth and not mine. At which point I could triumphantly say "I knew it. I just knew this would happen." Only my premonitions were more or less...not. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I haven't always been such a morbid reluctant traveler. It's even safe to say that being a traveler was a way I defined myself but then lifes events tend to add up (emergency landings, bus crashes, my son, my parents equating my travel to a death in the family -you know, the normal stuff) and neuroses take over. Case in point, me. Every comment or thought became a premonition. Morbid thoughts of flaming planes, catastrophic natural disasters, train derailments, etc. invaded my mind. Most disturbing was that in addition to seeing every horrific detail, I'd feel it. Oh yes, totally and completely rational thought, I know. Which is why nearly a year ago, with a quivering hand, I wrote the goal of flying alone. </div><br />
Today I'm proud to say that I actually did it, a week ago today I boarded a flight to New York. Sure cocktails and anti-anxiety medicine was a key part of getting me on the plane, both ways, but I did it. I did it because I needed this trip more than anything. So evey time my mind would go to that dark morbid place an unrecognizable voice would reach up and yell "SHUT UP!"<br />
<br />
Thank you angry little voice. <br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZLnISEhyGT1U9lrl4JEy8mgrHC5EpKXyWJIUvbvj6F7kB275nhwX1dENA5BDqyGu_eRf38NzcFc-W1ac0eJu_334-gTghnmbCi6r8-sBq1ETdQ9uX2W1BX0YwRgZ8zO4c7Sj3eqTWxR0/s1600/travel+023.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" l6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZLnISEhyGT1U9lrl4JEy8mgrHC5EpKXyWJIUvbvj6F7kB275nhwX1dENA5BDqyGu_eRf38NzcFc-W1ac0eJu_334-gTghnmbCi6r8-sBq1ETdQ9uX2W1BX0YwRgZ8zO4c7Sj3eqTWxR0/s320/travel+023.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-66246958938757609972011-03-02T10:10:00.000-08:002011-03-02T10:10:45.551-08:00It's the MET I bet...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">A few snapshots into one of the best parts of an incredible weekend. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitOZDt_mAGx10Rhc7pv9DhCWg-7-7EJ9cebt7HS1GLLn1iWNEko2gE4R5LnFZYHbKtfKVCOjhr0mw1DJr-uKTIbqjV11129rZ4dxc3KleanTuEIPhvbRf2UOEfNlkMv2DBbbYNzhrmoyo/s1600/travel+011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" l6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitOZDt_mAGx10Rhc7pv9DhCWg-7-7EJ9cebt7HS1GLLn1iWNEko2gE4R5LnFZYHbKtfKVCOjhr0mw1DJr-uKTIbqjV11129rZ4dxc3KleanTuEIPhvbRf2UOEfNlkMv2DBbbYNzhrmoyo/s400/travel+011.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtqxtwEVAsWuEd0-4_Upkv2PcfAEvXFNhWiBUfjjpBPwhFZWClxMphLso78sjO1kBXnTkLhVZwxOdYmH2f02Q3G9Fi2ksqor6s0XwpU6jB-msiOBbrPIFnfEf_VTm0V11AcuH_Lf_JrgM/s1600/travel+010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" l6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtqxtwEVAsWuEd0-4_Upkv2PcfAEvXFNhWiBUfjjpBPwhFZWClxMphLso78sjO1kBXnTkLhVZwxOdYmH2f02Q3G9Fi2ksqor6s0XwpU6jB-msiOBbrPIFnfEf_VTm0V11AcuH_Lf_JrgM/s400/travel+010.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivc6Xi5few_L83Xp1Oy32DCilA2BZN4IzYqAYLOjpdSIVezSDz_nHYxjO5GfUh34GCkHI1jSka2C5UQYnQYuLDiMjSk04O90oK4jKxer5oKC-hMmz5vh-aLxgfZe95YtRP5_kUbXVYb38/s1600/travel+012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" l6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivc6Xi5few_L83Xp1Oy32DCilA2BZN4IzYqAYLOjpdSIVezSDz_nHYxjO5GfUh34GCkHI1jSka2C5UQYnQYuLDiMjSk04O90oK4jKxer5oKC-hMmz5vh-aLxgfZe95YtRP5_kUbXVYb38/s400/travel+012.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYn4Yy4Bl9Ft_PUu2WA4VNxy1_cHnftQO0jWjLiNGbT-YwqhZZ1JxkC_Cx-Vx8zElazLz4mvV6dqvUmqDJ4VnBmw4LdUm-rEhAQa9PJt1sZf1MzN_9Ey4cUM3zTpC2FLGTWDgLrkJHwU4/s1600/travel+014.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" l6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYn4Yy4Bl9Ft_PUu2WA4VNxy1_cHnftQO0jWjLiNGbT-YwqhZZ1JxkC_Cx-Vx8zElazLz4mvV6dqvUmqDJ4VnBmw4LdUm-rEhAQa9PJt1sZf1MzN_9Ey4cUM3zTpC2FLGTWDgLrkJHwU4/s400/travel+014.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-52515507872223764392011-02-24T10:07:00.000-08:002011-02-24T10:07:32.100-08:00fragmented...word of the weekEarlier this week, I managed to catch snippets of a conversation two of my friends were having. Not so surprising the focus was on kids, husbands and overwhelming schedules (or at least those were the parts that I caught while running between them and my son). I was able to pause long enough to catch the word fragmented. Fragmented! To be honest I can't remember the context she used the word but it doesn't really matter, the word stuck. Who doesn't feel fragmented? Running from one thing to the next, keeping up with kids, husbands, house, chores...I can go on but you can finish your own list. <br />
<br />
Each new addition to my routine seems to scatter the pieces that I have spent months trying to arrange. Each new addition creating an overwhelming feeling as I scramble to reorganize my little world. <br />
<br />
I know every woman can relate. I'm starting to crave a life off the grid. Maybe a little commune somewhere were we can all take on different roles, where we can have a community and support. Maybe a tropical locale with a pool...OK, now I'm just fantasizing but who doesn't. Life can seem like a balancing act that without a little OCD just doesn't work. <br />
<br />
How do we simplify in a world that supports chaos?Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-55284745784261192892011-02-23T11:12:00.000-08:002011-02-23T11:12:23.129-08:00Wonderful Wednesday!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia4bTSTMVd60COgwyNWqtjgfcrUN6ytzKFWQD-xFU1jrQ8nuggVglGpt7ISDy4722NvPfq4Rzmmd37XBXMo0Kjxyr3r0tmnB1o-KQCb2KTRkIfChD4V4jZKDdo4uoUbZM5K99zVgo5thc/s1600/Food+064.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" j6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia4bTSTMVd60COgwyNWqtjgfcrUN6ytzKFWQD-xFU1jrQ8nuggVglGpt7ISDy4722NvPfq4Rzmmd37XBXMo0Kjxyr3r0tmnB1o-KQCb2KTRkIfChD4V4jZKDdo4uoUbZM5K99zVgo5thc/s320/Food+064.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgryIYWkkYuaUPFvV6Ni-BV-u_RAf0Mvaanw6InOdGp9OwazMIN8MUtDOesNfotLyoRYzB_nrqVo3fxx2K1qJiMMjFpcvVRdJ75JWPF50w2btDCry3iMtMzUEc39PkyGzLNCqeDu047J3Q/s1600/Food+069.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" j6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgryIYWkkYuaUPFvV6Ni-BV-u_RAf0Mvaanw6InOdGp9OwazMIN8MUtDOesNfotLyoRYzB_nrqVo3fxx2K1qJiMMjFpcvVRdJ75JWPF50w2btDCry3iMtMzUEc39PkyGzLNCqeDu047J3Q/s320/Food+069.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh235-H1iZfMIxYXawBThdSqQZnRU_RXjz213b8Ncaxm2_suKZVp-0Sg_fr2ngvX5bGsoGN_bWWbH-LkrnaDAU1kp8JwyavEYI8c0RWyRqwL8HsgxPCkXAlvalBGIZT4ksj7c-uYEB01xw/s1600/Food+070.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" j6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh235-H1iZfMIxYXawBThdSqQZnRU_RXjz213b8Ncaxm2_suKZVp-0Sg_fr2ngvX5bGsoGN_bWWbH-LkrnaDAU1kp8JwyavEYI8c0RWyRqwL8HsgxPCkXAlvalBGIZT4ksj7c-uYEB01xw/s320/Food+070.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEr7LyVZQD4dCF6QELAGcaLPktUe4Qgtz7bcS9BQK-NmZGsoevdtNBqsD76g7mZ8HyA_BeX8kbxeELCfGSnuODvsVEiDbPk1WmID5j7Aq9tZxVxmOJSqU-pezzJyg-YvV3iZmES30762k/s1600/Food+065.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" j6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEr7LyVZQD4dCF6QELAGcaLPktUe4Qgtz7bcS9BQK-NmZGsoevdtNBqsD76g7mZ8HyA_BeX8kbxeELCfGSnuODvsVEiDbPk1WmID5j7Aq9tZxVxmOJSqU-pezzJyg-YvV3iZmES30762k/s320/Food+065.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>There really is peace and beauty within the ugliness of the OC. Sometimes it just takes a little getting out to see it.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-14406910276145586272011-02-17T09:29:00.000-08:002011-02-17T09:29:45.020-08:00Can you hear the sigh I just omited?Did you hear it? It was me realizing that I am indeed aging and much to rapidly for my liking. Call me vain and I'd agree. Not vain enough though to increase my inferior bust size but just enough to methodically color my hair. What bothers me most about my vanity is that it's relatively new in terms of the entirety of my life. <br />
<br />
From the moment I gave birth 4 years ago I think it's fair to say that I've aged a minimum of 15 years. It's a sad truth. I've watched in horror as my eyes first puffed and then sagged. I've noticed age spots appear overnight but possibly the most disturbing thing is noticing the influx of facial hair. Since when did my body decide to randomly sprout thick black hairs? Whenever that moment was I can say in all honesty that I was not consulted. <br />
<br />
Being short only adds to the problem since most people are staring down on those gray roots that I so despise and we all know that lighting at that angle isn't very forgiving. Needless to say, I'm about 30 pounds away from looking like a peasant woman in the old country. I might as well take to wrapping my hair in a kerchief and donning an apron.<br />
<br />
It's not OK. I'm not OK. I need to start fighting genetics with an iron fist beginning today, no yesterday, or I'm libel to suffer the fate of those before me. The thought of my butt hitting the back of my knees horrifies is enough to get me in workout gear but then what? I'm overwhelmed and panicked. Maybe if I just start running. Who cares if it's out of fear? Who cares if as I'm running past the tall skinny plastic bitches in my neighborhood they're casting looks at me. What they don't see, can't see, is the plump hairy little Italian woman chasing me.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-63859724223328317952011-02-16T10:00:00.000-08:002011-02-16T10:00:23.676-08:00Wonderful Wednesday!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">From snow to sun...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiN-SI1k8kcjcEuuKQhKehKBEaguyhF2tX4pErXya2s9zzhrGZKh-DIoGAAnQ5XHRcvyxas7hkIc53yB6rKm6MhDQ0Bky3dqKBA1VCC_Dd2iWxe0HqO5dl6OR04_n313ohIp7STxD2X9o/s1600/Food+055.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" h5="true" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiN-SI1k8kcjcEuuKQhKehKBEaguyhF2tX4pErXya2s9zzhrGZKh-DIoGAAnQ5XHRcvyxas7hkIc53yB6rKm6MhDQ0Bky3dqKBA1VCC_Dd2iWxe0HqO5dl6OR04_n313ohIp7STxD2X9o/s320/Food+055.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1xndRxWGuU2JRJVv7tEvaBoyqRpgTqjpQ1eOyKBWyETc7PahSt2NJNNYQO_PUNmwwpR9Lw3V4n4QapoYkaXIA7w1YikDuOU21ezfBp2cij2ocM3mbxmR_ZFopm1DTugyhvqK_f18rQGI/s1600/Food+057.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" h5="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1xndRxWGuU2JRJVv7tEvaBoyqRpgTqjpQ1eOyKBWyETc7PahSt2NJNNYQO_PUNmwwpR9Lw3V4n4QapoYkaXIA7w1YikDuOU21ezfBp2cij2ocM3mbxmR_ZFopm1DTugyhvqK_f18rQGI/s320/Food+057.jpg" width="240" /></a></div> Fabrizio tries his hand at photography (below)...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTxpq-n6SaV43549NvUI7ppHMey05EK3DfdHxCUnvPV8pqIlcFVV0x3sF4K2PArgzk-5aw8pm0tyvWlbyj_Lu7xUexMkzYs4oYQwLRiP0k66w9DoLK4j8MVMKz-M5kBgZDouNYIXgDGiI/s1600/Food.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" h5="true" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTxpq-n6SaV43549NvUI7ppHMey05EK3DfdHxCUnvPV8pqIlcFVV0x3sF4K2PArgzk-5aw8pm0tyvWlbyj_Lu7xUexMkzYs4oYQwLRiP0k66w9DoLK4j8MVMKz-M5kBgZDouNYIXgDGiI/s320/Food.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107448931048127235.post-88630225265837262422011-02-15T11:18:00.000-08:002011-02-15T11:18:43.518-08:005 ways to get moving and thinking:Getting out in nature is a great way to get your creative juices flowing. It's also a great way to just spend some time with your own thoughts. So, here are 5 ideas to getting outside and being with yourself:<br />
<br />
1. <strong>Take a walk</strong>. Even a short walk around the block is refreshing. You'll feel even better if you can get to a nature trail or the beach!<br />
2. <strong>Go for a swim</strong>. Swimming is extremely meditative, just you and the water.<br />
3. <strong>Get out in the snow.</strong> Ski, snowboard, snowshoe...whatever the option get out and enjoy the white stuff. Being connected to the seasons helps connect you to the cycle of the planet and yourself. It sounds hokey but commune with nature.<br />
4. <strong>Ride a bike</strong>. Even in a group this is a great way to get out to unwind your mind and enjoy your surroundings.<br />
5. <strong>Take your yoga or meditation practice outside.</strong> If you feel too self conscious doing it in a public area just head to your backyard or patio. The fresh air on your face and the sun on your body will invigorate your practice.Fabhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07595081789817591471noreply@blogger.com2