Monday, September 15, 2008

Bloom where you're planted!

I'm seriously considering busting out some hard core kung fu moves to get my morning coffee fix faster. It's 9:45am on monday - doesn't anyone work anymore? Shit, my throat is closing up. Is it possible that I can have a panic attack over coffee? Breathe. Refocus. Breathe. Kunf fu the bItch. Breathe. Kung fu only works in movies. Breathe. Oh my GOD!!! Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Is that my name? Angels singing Life is good again. Wait? Where is it? Large latte, extra shot...Please! Now, you damn idiot...NOW!!!

Several orgasmic minutes later and my heart rate has slowed, I'm noticably less iritated but sweat is forming on my brow. What does a girl need to do to get cozysweater whater? My afat ass needs to be in pants. Hey, weatherman, no one wants to see these cheesey withe legs anymore! Ok, so Orange county is mainly known for it's perfect weather and impossible lifestyles (ie Desperate Housewives). A consistent 74 that vaires 5 degrees depending on the season gets old. Hard to believe isn't it? And the only thing that I have in common with the re"real Housewives" is that I am just that, a housewife! Would I love to have a flashy car, awesome seasonal wardrobes and a luxurious hose? Hell ya! But I'd rather stick with husband #1, teach my kids that it's more important to have knowledge than a big fake rack. Lets face it, this level of materialism is disgusting.I wouldn't trade placed with any of them. Not even for Gucci's Fall line.

I'm obviously in a mood to bitch. Breathe....Read book. Drink coffee.

Last week was a bit of a mental disaster. Not to worry, it's just that every six months or so I freak out becaise I'm a housewife in the suburbs. Something I vowed never to be when I was globe trotting and then living ia good life in LA. And to be honost I'm still not comfortable in my role. Thus, the meltdown. But I married a kind and stable man. Now I'm more likely to spend saturdays running errands with the family than I am to hop a flight somewhere last minute.I've been trying to convince David to drop the career path and move abroad. Anywhere, his choice. All he does is role his eyes and say, "Yeah, that would be nice. Who's paying?" Details, details.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Be Thorough

Let me embarrassingly honest for a moment. On Saturday night David (husband) and I were certain something fishy was up with our electronics. Nothing poltergeist just strange. First our DVD player randomly died. This was no big surprise since really what do you expect of a $20 model. Then our DVR deleted our recorded shows. I stress our because Fabrizio's shows somehow survived. We think he's a clever 20 month old but clever enough to select and delete his parents shows? Ahhh, not likely. So my big plans for a Saturday night TV marathon vanished before my eyes leaving me feeling slightly out of sorts. I know, it's pathetic on a variety of levels. But the really panicky part of the evening came when the computer went down. This had my like flashing before my eyes. My lifeline to the adult world GONE!! With both of us (and I mean me) now in a full panic we scrambled around trying to make sense of the situation. We pulled out all of our technical knowledge and were less than delighted to find out that we are very very limited. So sad! The embarrassing part comes now...I happened to be on the phone with my mom, who offered to come over and have a look. Yeah, she had it working in less than 5 minutes. Evidently this 63yr old did what any logical person would do and checked the the connections. That's right, the damn monitor got unplugged! Our poor parents wasted thousands of dollars on 2 college degrees and obviously didn't get their monies worth. God I feel dumb!!