Monday, October 31, 2011

its crunch time

I am officially 2 weeks away from my scheduled c-section. This in and of itself is freaking me out but anyway this post is less about my rising anxiety and more about how I'm preparing (or not preparing) for the upcoming event.

Yesterday my mother-in-law asked me if I'd packed my bag yet. Seriously, hadn't given it a thought. While I was still fumbling over the correct words to come spilling out of my mouth she offered to come down the night before so that she could take care of my son on that day. She needed to slow down because my brain isn't working fast enough to deflect her advances with the Wonder Woman speed I've become accustomed to. The questions kept coming and I sadly kept fumbling. When she had finally finished and my answers had clearly left her astonished her reply was "well, you really need to be thinking about these things" What the...? I love my mother-in-law, she's a really nice lady but sometimes she can push just a little more than I'm comfortable with.

But it did get me thinking, what have I been thinking about? Well, I've been thinking about spending time with my friends before I become a recluse for the next 2 months, taking some naps, planning out what we're going to eat in the future and tonight for dinner, getting MY mom to come and help out, and working out a schedule that I think will work for both my husband and I.

I've also spent an inappropriate amount of time thinking about fall fashion. I'm thinking it's mainly because I've been stuffed into the same yoga pants for months now and well, let's be honest, I'll be stuffed into them for the next few months after the baby comes.

Friday, October 21, 2011

self improvement in the name of progress

It's a gloomy Friday morning and I'm trying my hardest to motivate myself to do something that might actually result in progress.

Does it count that I took a shower this morning? How about that I made my son pancakes at 7am? Or that I'm actually on the computer attempting something that looks like writing? Yes, yes and yes...or at least that's what I'm going to tell myself.

On a side note, that is somewhat tied in, I've decided to put effort into my appearance. I've never been particularly skilled in this area. Honestly, I've never really been good at anything that requires self maintenance.

It all started when I was no longer able to touch my feet to trim my toenails. (I know it's terrible, and there are so many things about being in the final stages of pregnancy that are unpleasant but that is a completely different rant.) So off I went to the nail salon completely annoyed at the beginning to be spending money on something that I used to do myself but by the end I was totally in love. My toes were pretty and I was relaxed. I felt great!

It all seemed to snowball after that because then I began to think about my hair, which had been fried by a bad stylist nearly a year earlier and so I got it done. Bam! I felt good. My hair was no longer a frizzy bleached out puff that couldn't be combed but a soft natural color that actually lays flat. Now my focus is makeup because after all, I'm 37. Things like brown spots, fine lines and a blotchy complexion are creeping up and at times I'm not even sure I really have eyes because they blend in with the rest of my face.

Currently I have 1 eyeliner, 2 shades of eye makeup (does it have a name? I have no clue), 1 mascara and chap stick all of which is about 2 years old. Sad, isn't it? Regardless of my limited resources I have been practicing wearing makeup. Yes, practicing because my skill level is probably not even as good as a 12 year old girl but I have to say that I kind of like the effect.

While I'm relatively late to this game and I'll never be one of those real girlie girls it's still nice to feel good. I've even got a post baby list going that includes getting some teeth whitening strips, hitting the gym and maybe even investing in some heels.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Getting back on course

Sometimes life takes us off course. So far off that if we were tracking ourselves on GPS we'd have that constant annoying reminder that we'd made a wrong turn somewhere. Haven't we all experienced that at some point? Even to the extent that you're certain that you know better than the GPS only to find yourself miles out of the way recalculating your destination? I've done this more than I'd like to admit and now I'm seeing it as a metaphor for my current location, completely off course.

What is the most effective way to get back on course? I'm not sure that I have the prefect answer but for me it's been a accumulation of techniques. Below is a list of things that works for me. Use it all or just a piece, whatever resonates with you.

Create a vision board. So this might sound a little hokey but I spend some time going through magazines cutting out pictures, phrases and words that resonate with the life I am looking to create. It's a great
way to get you thinking about what it is that you truly want, or even just want to keep. Then I paste them to construction paper and display it somewhere that I will be forced to see everyday.

Express gratitude. Daily I express gratitude for the wonderful things that I have in my life and I also express gratitude for the things that I'm working on achieving. Everything is expressed as though it has already come to fruition.

Positive thought. At times easier said than done but for each negative thought about a goal that I have, I add on the positive equivalent. There are some days when my brain doesn't allow for this positive spin and that's OK but it's important not to let yourself be consumed by the negative. Remember that positive thoughts create positive energy which leads to positive results. The same goes for the negative, that's way it's so important not to allow your mind to sit in the negative.

Evaluate where you are currently. Where are you emotionally, intellectually, creatively and physically? By looking at your entire person you have a better sense of what you can handle. For example, eight months ago when I was powering through my goals, traveling, writing and getting my life back to where I wanted it to be I was completely derailed. Now, at 9 months pregnant, I am finally feeling up to getting back on track but I need to be realistic about what the next 6 months to 1 year will look like for me. By setting goals that give me a little more leeway I'm able to continue making progress while staying on course. In 6 months I can reevaluate where I am and if I'm able to push myself a little more.

Walk. Walking is a great way to clear the cobwebs. Everyday I take a walk around my neighborhood, it's not a huge commitment but it helps me to feel better and when I feel better it's easier to stay positive.

I hope something I've listed helps get you back on your personal course or at the least reinforces the steps you're already taking.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Front yard realizations...

Recently I held an estate sale for my grandmothers belongings, which in and of itself was a troubling thing to be doing. I had a memory attached to nearly everything that was out and yet I was selling it to the highest bidder. If she weren't dead already, this would have killed her. At one point, she lived life to the fullest and then over time, and with age, she began putting more value on the "stuff" she acquired than the relationships she had.

It wasn't until I was sitting on the porch surveying the items we had strategically placed in the yard when the gravity of it all began to settle in.  It was a lesson in life. A lesson to not get caught up with material possessions that in the end are so meaningless. 

We all know this but sometimes it's good to have a reminder, sometimes it needs to be as obvious as this was for me. What's important in life? Your family, your contribution, your experiences and your attitude because in the end it's all meaningless junk that ends up being sold.

I'm grateful to have learned this lesson even if I need the occasional reminder to get me back to center.