Friday, October 22, 2010

Planting Seeds of Change

Once a seed is planted it only takes a little care to make it sprout. That is what happened to me on Wednesday. It's no secret that over the past few weeks I have been struggling to change my inner dialog. Monday and Tuesday were nothing but pure annoyance to me. Everything from cursing the umbrella for being too big to berating (inwardly of course) my neighbor for parking in front of my home leaving me to walk half a block with arms full of bags in the rain. It was on Wednesday morning when I had just finished fighting with my umbrella, again, that Fabrizio asked my why I was upset. I didn't really know. Saying that I was mad at an umbrella seemed so stupid. The only one capable of making me mad is me.

Tea with Jennifer, my Buddhist friend, was the planting of that much desired seed of change. She reminded me of something that I hadn't been doing. Something so simple, yet so powerful. Whenever a negative thought pops into your head, acknowledge it, let it go and return to the present. She said if you are washing a dish and a negative thought comes in, return your mind to washing that dish. See the perfection in that moment.

I spent much of Wednesday doing that exact thing and by the end of the day I was able to notice something else. I feeling that I had never identified before but that had ruled my life and that was of quiting. Over the past few weeks I had made my life hard. No one was a factor in that but me and based on all of the feelings that came up for me (being overwhelmed, stressed, moody, annoyed) I was about to quit the life I was building.

So thank you Jennifer for planting that seed. Thank you me for being of enough sound mind to water it.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Over Scheduled!

It's been a few weeks since I've posted and usually when I do I am a little more prepared than I am today. Today there is no rough draft, no revision just thoughts flowing.

Over the past month my life has been ruled by one thing....stress!!!

Fabrizio started preschool which although is great it has also been incredibly stressful. I've been busy fine tuning his therapies, reworking schedules, addressing new needs and behaviors. Now that we are finally settling into our new schedule and finding our rhythm I am amping myself up for our IEP review early next month. We will be reviewing his current therapies, in which he is doing well, and addressing the possibility for more therapies (school OT and Behavior). Preschool is an big enough adjustment without adding all of this.

His preschool director suggested we add an activity for him outside of school in which he can excel. It's a great idea except that he is already so busy with school, OT, PT, APE, Speech and Social Skills therapies. That's not even including the therapies that may be added within the next month! I am left wondering: when is enough, enough?

It's not a question that I have a solid answer to but I'm going with now. Enough is enough now. He needs time to chill, to have unstructured play, to know what down time is, to just be a kid. Swim lessons will have to wait, karate will always be there and music we can play at home for now.