Friday, September 17, 2010

Sick or new possibilities?

A friend once told me that when someone gets sick it's because their body is purging, readying itself for a change. A clearing of a blocked channel. A release of the unconscious mind. A freeing of oneself.

It's really a lovely idea. One that at present I am holding onto for dear life, or so it seems. I've been sick now for nearly two weeks. Each day seemingly worse. I've tried positive thought like "I'm healthy. Never better." Which might have had a slight impact since it was only when I quit this way of thinking that my cold deepened but it was exhausting thinking "I'm so healthy" only to have that followed by coughs so loud and painful that I am certain some internal damage occurred.

I've tried sipping medicinal teas which are great if you have time to relax and take a nap. I was only able to get away with this once. Fabrizio and I were curled up on the couch. I was napping and he was watching TV. I'd only wake up to put on a new show. What a good boy! What a sick mommy!

I need something that is going to rid me of my symptoms. I need drugs. I have gone from longing for new clothes and a vacation to a z-pack.

Sickness aside, I am hopeful that there is some truth to what my friend has said. Maybe just maybe my body is purging itself, readying for new possibilities. I think most of us would take a little cold if it came with a new level of self.

Or maybe it's just the cold talking.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Back to School, Back to Work

Two hours of chatting with friends and avoiding writing has me now sitting in front of my computer like a deer in headlights. A stare of panic, eyes wide open, fixed on the screen in front of me. What. To. Do.

Three weeks ago, when Fabrizio finished summer school, I decided to give myself a break from writing. Now I'm wondering whether I've taken a break from thinking. No, I'm pretty sure I did. Is it possible for my brain to be on vacation without me? If it is, then, hopefully it has it's bags packed and is getting ready to catch the red eye home. Yes, that's it, a red eye.

While the last few weeks have been void of any and all thoughts deeper than "What's for lunch?" they have been full and fun. Hanging out with friends, lunching with Fab, long walks through the "nature park" to the muffin store (aka Starbucks) and a general laissez-faire attitude have been wonderful. Now school is back in session and so is our schedule. The initial panic of what to do with all the freedom that summer brings is gone and I'm in overdrive. Readjusting to 6am yoga, 3 hour writing sessions, submissions, housework (that has really been neglected over the summer) and carting Fab all over town.

And I'm blank. Blank in overdrive.