Thursday, February 24, 2011

fragmented...word of the week

Earlier this week, I managed to catch snippets of a conversation two of my friends were having. Not so surprising the focus was on kids, husbands and overwhelming schedules (or at least those were the parts that I caught while running between them and my son). I was able to pause long enough to catch the word fragmented. Fragmented! To be honest I can't remember the context she used the word but it doesn't really matter, the word stuck. Who doesn't feel fragmented? Running from one thing to the next, keeping up with kids, husbands, house, chores...I can go on but you can finish your own list.

Each new addition to my routine seems to scatter the pieces that I have spent months trying to arrange. Each new addition creating an overwhelming feeling as I scramble to reorganize my little world.

I know every woman can relate. I'm starting to crave a life off the grid. Maybe a little commune somewhere were we can all take on different roles, where we can have a community and support. Maybe a tropical locale with a pool...OK, now I'm just fantasizing but who doesn't. Life can seem like a balancing act that without a little OCD just doesn't work.

How do we simplify in a world that supports chaos?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Wonderful Wednesday!

There really is peace and beauty within the ugliness of the OC. Sometimes it just takes a little getting out to see it.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Can you hear the sigh I just omited?

Did you hear it? It was me realizing that I am indeed aging and much to rapidly for my liking. Call me vain and I'd agree. Not vain enough though to increase my inferior bust size but just enough to methodically color my hair.  What bothers me most about my vanity is that it's relatively new in terms of the entirety of my life.

From the moment I gave birth 4 years ago I think it's fair to say that I've aged a minimum of 15 years. It's a sad truth. I've watched in horror as my eyes first puffed and then sagged. I've noticed age spots appear overnight but possibly the most disturbing thing is noticing the influx of facial hair. Since when did my body decide to randomly sprout thick black hairs? Whenever that moment was I can say in all honesty that I was not consulted.

Being short only adds to the problem since most people are staring down on those gray roots that I so despise and we all know that lighting at that angle isn't very forgiving. Needless to say, I'm about 30 pounds away from looking like a peasant woman in the old country. I might as well take to wrapping my hair in a kerchief and donning an apron.

It's not OK. I'm not OK. I need to start fighting genetics with an iron fist beginning today, no yesterday, or I'm libel to suffer the fate of those before me. The thought of my butt hitting the back of my knees horrifies is enough to get me in workout gear but then what? I'm overwhelmed and panicked. Maybe if I just start running. Who cares if it's out of fear? Who cares if as I'm running past the tall skinny plastic bitches in my neighborhood they're casting looks at me. What they don't see, can't see, is the plump hairy little Italian woman chasing me.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Wonderful Wednesday!

From snow to sun...

 Fabrizio tries his hand at photography (below)...

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

5 ways to get moving and thinking:

Getting out in nature is a great way to get your creative juices flowing. It's also a great way to just spend some time with your own thoughts. So, here are 5 ideas to getting outside and being with yourself:

1. Take a walk. Even a short walk around the block is refreshing. You'll feel even better if you can get to a nature trail or the beach!
2. Go for a swim. Swimming is extremely meditative, just you and the water.
3. Get out in the snow. Ski, snowboard, snowshoe...whatever the option get out and enjoy the white stuff. Being connected to the seasons helps connect you to the cycle of the planet and yourself. It sounds hokey but commune with nature.
4. Ride a bike. Even in a group this is a great way to get out to unwind your mind and enjoy your surroundings.
5. Take your yoga or meditation practice outside. If you feel too self conscious doing it in a public area just head to your backyard or patio. The fresh air on your face and the sun on your body will invigorate your practice.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

White knuckled Pride

Yesterday, I was meant to be out snowboarding with David, only I chickened out. I'd like to say that I chose skiing over boarding as a selfless jester to my husband. He had this grand idea that it would be a ton of fun to spend the day out on the slopes together. I, on the other hand, knew that his enthusiasm would be short lived if I were on a snowboard. I knew that the reality was more likely to be me maneuvering slopes on my behind for the greater part of the day. Not much fun for either of us.

In the end, my choice was a good one, skiing. While he spent much of the day at the bottom of intermediate runs waiting for me, he was happy to at least get in some good "ripping" time and I was proud to be off the bunny slopes.

It was cute to see him proud of me.Not even my near tears as we ascended 200 feet above the snowy slopes on the chair lift seemed to waver his pride. It was scary up there and to think that only a bar kept me from tumbling down to near certain death. Yes, death!

I'm most thankful he didn't hear me praying or repeating my mantra of "you can do it" the entire way down the slopes.

None the less, I did it and I pushed myself. Who cares if I can barely turn my head after somersaulting in fresh powder. In spite of David's pride I'm a little embarrassed by my cowardly behavior but I survived and in the end that's really all I care about.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Reveing up to a turtles pace

So maybe I'm harder on myself than I need to be and maybe I'm also a little competitive with myself. After all, that's always been my MO. Try something, feel insecure with my abilities, find someone doing it better and then quit. Obviously that hasn't been very effective. That admission alone is a little embarrassing. I mean really, how stupid can you get? OK, I guess I could be a lot dumber but it certainly hasn't been a recipe for success.

I'm a slightly cautious to write this but heck, here it goes, a new tide has turned. The snails pace of last week is speeding up to that of a turtle. Instead of focusing on what I'm not up to I realized that there are 2 things I can check off my list right now -knitting a scarf and snowboarding. That negative little voice in my head has been working over time. You know the one, right?

While I'm not celebrating the start of a new business I am taking small steps to create the outcome I'm after. I can't promise that the desire to return to my previous ways wont sneak up or that I'll always stay positive but if I can just keep this forward movement I know that I'll get the life I'm after.

We are our own worst enemies. Who knows what we could accomplish if we didn't listen to that little voice? As cheesy as it sounds, the sky really is the limit.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Wonderful Wednesday!

It's fun to check something off the list...and more fun when it's a great day with a good friend!

 ....Julie (above) and I (below) taking breaks from a long day of learning to ride.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Snails Pace

I have to admit that this "creating the life you want" business is a lot of work. Some people are good at this sort of thing, take my sister-in-law Heather for example. She seems to have her life plotted out. She makes her way down an imaginary list ticking off her accomplishments. It's like watching someone going through a grocery list. PhD, check. Married by 30, check. House, check. Baby, check. Oops, forgot to write this one down, create a catering business, check....and let's see, next on the list is baby number 2 but that's not until the aisle number 4. All I can do is stare and wonder, "Is she for real?"

I have a list. Hell, I have 20 lists! I might be ticking through them at a snails pace but I guess it's progress from my past where I'd create a list and stuff it into the bottom of my purse only to be found a year later when digging for a dime at a drive-thru window. While that is generally a happy moment, a smile of recognition usually spreads across my face "ahh, hello dear list, I remember you", it just gets stuffed back in, I know not a very progressive cycle.

This new snails pace forward, however, is unnerving. I am at best in a state of complete frenzy probably  95% of the time. I must look similar to a panicked mouse because I get a lot of people asking if I'm OK, at which point I usually belt out a hurried "Yeah, why?"

How do people look so calm when accomplishing life goals? Is it practice? I guess that I'll find out but in the mean time maybe a nice glass of wine would help.