Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Ego is for those without kids!!

Humility, grace, and intellect are a good qualities to have but hard to keep as a parent. Case in point, last Monday Fabrizio and I were at a park that had a tire swing -fiendish invention! I was in one of those "aren't I a cute mom" moods, wearing white full legged pants, a low cut tank, and a long navy cardigan. Very in the moment, who wouldn't feel great?! Anyway, with Fabrizio in my left arm and the tire chain in my right I tried to perch my butt on its rubbery surface and fell. Yup. Fell. Whoop. Flat on ass. Baby safe. Ass fractured. At least that's what it felt like when the pain jolted straight to my throbbing head. Only 2 thoughts were running through my mind in the split second that followed: 1. don't let Fabrizio know you're hurt and 2. FUCK!!!! After about 5 minutes of pain induced laughing I made a less than graceful recovery, brushed off the sand, adjusted clothes (ignoring the new scuffs on white pants)and kept playing like the awesome mom that I am. Awesome mom that is until totally hot dad and his equally gorgeous spawn appear. Of course, I'm not phased by him as I have even hotter (shout out) hubbie at home but the nerd in me comes out and I'm flustered by all people beautiful women included. This is when humility really goes out the window. The usual parental banter occurs - blah, blah, blah...hot dad "how old is your son?" me "21 months, and yours?" hot dad "15 months"...now this is when I get verbal diarrhea...me "yeah, he's (Fabrizio) short" hot dad "that's OK" me "yeah, I know"...and I walk away. Seriously, what the...? What's wrong with me? Why am I apologizing for Fabrizios height? Obviously Fabrizio took offense to my comment and proceeded to have a royal fit. I'm feeling like I just won the prize for worst mom in the world. As I bend over to pick him up he gets his revenge. He grabs my tank top and pulled it down to expose my Calvin Klein bra - oh, yeah - ALL OF IT! Naturally hot dad gets front row tickets to my show. White to lobster in .5 seconds. Must leave park! By the time I get in the car I'm sweating (early onset menopause?), butt throbbing, head throbbing, humiliated and feeling like a bad mom. I look up to the review mirror to make nice with Fabrizio only to notice a streak of dirt that runs fully across my right cheek. It must of happened when I fell off the swing. Holy shit, I can't make this stuff up. At this point all I can do is laugh. Poor Fabrizio is just looking at me totally confused. While his dirty sweaty mom is practically bent over the steering wheel in hysterics. Yeah, if hot dad was watching he must have thought I was nuts. I think we'll cross that playground off the list.

3 comments:

Jo In The Congo said...

Do you know how hard it is to explain to a VERY Christian family why I am laughing so hard while reading something off the net? Yeah... HARD! Bitch.

Stella said...

OMG. You are so funny! You told me about tire swing, but you left out hot dad!

katherine_m_gilmore said...

nancy thanks for posting this. i am going through a "i hate the f-ing heat" mental breakdown and reading this made my day! i laughed so hard i cried and just maybe peed my pants...o.k. so maybe i didn't pee, but it was a close call!